I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
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we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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