So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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