anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
