I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
