I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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