Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Actions speak louder than pants.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Your cock deserves a montage
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
