I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
