my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
