allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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