i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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