I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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