If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
