you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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