Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
