He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
