it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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