i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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