I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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