By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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