whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
