Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
