i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
