Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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