I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Enjoy the penises
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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