I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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