like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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