totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
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The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
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But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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