genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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