Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
