I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
