Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
