my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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