Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
