i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
