My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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