Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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