only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
