I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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