every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
