I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
