i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize