My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
