What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
