This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
