The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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