this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Green mimosas i think yes
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
