Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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