9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
