When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
