well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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