i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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