Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
