Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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