I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
