you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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