I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
