capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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