I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
