The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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