Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.