i think my tv is drunk
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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