so explain again why im purple
no
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
