I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
