But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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