There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't put those talents on a resume
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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