Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
