I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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