My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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