I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
