As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
