I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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