um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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